Changes (Blue Pill)

Blue-4-

Changes. Take your phone, go contacts. Did you see the name “bae”? Okay click that name. Good. Now call her. It is ringing just like always but this time the melody reminds you the saddest song you have ever heard ” the way by Zack Hemsy”. Violins start to rip your lungs out. It does not matter anymore because you are not breathing. You locked inside this moment. It is always better to feel the rhythm even though you are crying. Now rhythm is going higher and higher.You can’t change the song of pain.Every drum is a punch to your stomach. You are weak, you are not allowed to scream that and that is what makes you even weaker. Remember the time you said “The worst thing about reality is there is no background music.” to your friends.

Do you enjoy it now? Do you enjoy the freaking, stomach ripping music with every fucking drum as a punch to your soul? I doubt it. You know what people say ” do not talk large”. This is what you do all the time. You keep thinking “if I had this or that, if i was in there….”. It is large talking because even though you were there and you had what you want, you can’t take the shot because you are just a fucking coward. The real life does not seem like motivation video from YouTube, huh? When was the last time that you cried?  Make crying a part of your life. Wait wait wait… Hasn’t she answered yet? Why, Is she dead? Or are you deaf?

Blue-5-

–Babe, babe. Are you okay?

–Babe, is this a prank?

— Hey babe! Can you hear me?

You have seen this scene before. It’s like the whole world is waiting for an answer. It feels like suddenly a brain cell turns into a life form and capture this 1 second in there to live it all over and over again. At this moment that you have been stuck, all you need to do is to find your attitude. Are you going to tell her that you need a break up to rise from your ashes? Or you can just say “hi babe I miss you”. Remember Verdugo Cobarde. You have read him before. In the “unholy idol” he claims “Life is not a cloth so do not change it.”. I think it is time to prove Verdugo is wrong.

–Hey babe, look I need to talk to you.

–What’s wrong?

–What would you say if I fail?

–I wouldn’t say anything, because you won’t

–I already did, I already fucking did.

–Babe just relax, take a deep breath. What is the matter? You want me to come over there?

–Nope.You can’t change anything but I can. In fact, I don’t think I will ever want to see you around here.

— What?

Your brain blacked out; body is solid. You keep remembering lyrics of songs. “You and your husband have a fight, one of you tries to grab a knife / And during the struggle, he accidentally gets his Adam’s apple sliced! (“KIM by Eminem MMLP)

Blue-6-

–You are ducking kidding, right? You can’t be serious.  It’s been three years and you want to break up without even an explanation. Fuck am I supposed to tell you? Fuck can I say?

–I want to break up.

–Why? Are you insane? Everything has been fine until today. What changed? You found someone new?

–No, it’s not that.

— Then why the fuck on earth you want us to break up? What is your problem?

–It’s just…

–I know the problem; it’s just you are afraid of committing in a relationship? You do not love me enough to marry.

–I want to marry you.

–Then what’s the problem, you are making no sense. Stop talking like a fucking brainless moron, go get some sleep we will tal….

–SHUT UP FOR GOD’S SAKE

–what?

–I am not a fucking coward or not a moron and I am not afraid to get in a relationship. I just fucking hate this order and blowing up everything I got.

— But baby you got me and it did not blow up.

— Maybe it is not adequate.

…………

Yes dude. No more words. She hung the phone on you. You had a rough tongue though.As Tupac said”I see no changes all I see is racist faces”. Oh wait that is a whole different kind of change. What a joke? Did you relax? Put on some music.

I must go on standing

you can’t break that which isn’t yours

I, oh, must go on standing

I’m not my own, it’s not my choice

(Regina Spektor Après Moi)

Songs of the text: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nco7qfrPG7I

For the first part of Changes: https://www.afterclap.net/change-the-way-things-work/

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